The Law of Attraction … Are My Beliefs Ruining My Life?

 

Since my first blog on the Law of Attraction, I have experienced a series of interesting events. First, I received some fantastic comments in response to my first blog on the Law of Attraction from people I admire and look up to. Second, I attended a regular network meeting, unaware that the guest speaker was presenting on guess what… Yes, the Law of Attraction! Thirdly, I was pointed in the direction of Kayley Grace who has just made a video on the result of having given up everything over the last seven years based on beliefs espoused by people advocating the Law of Attraction.

So in this blog I am attempting to make sense of the Law of Attraction in a far more grounded and reasonable way than some of the popular messages thrown around out there. I would like to give a special thanks and appreciation to all of the people who have commented on my Law of Attraction blogs, Judi Mason for her talk on the Law of Attraction in our Coolum Health Practitioner Network meeting and Kayley Grace for her inspirational videos on the Law of Attraction.

My Personal Story of the Law of Attraction

When I attended the Coolum Health Practitioners Breaky last Thursday on that beautiful December morning in front of the ocean, I was reminded of my first conscious experience with the Law of Attraction. It was seven years ago when I was living in Canberra and was facing some emotionally difficult experiences. As a last ditch hope, I accessed a spiritual healer. I had experienced a series of traumas throughout my life and was carrying some heavy energy which back then was “my normal”. I simply could not move forward in my life while carrying it.

So after three months of intensive spiritual healing, I resigned from my public service job, sold my house, put my furniture in storage and said to my girls, “we are going north on a holiday that we are never coming back from.” I did not know much about the Law of Attraction back then. All I knew was I felt so light and free after the heavy burdens and darkness were removed. It was complete liberation! Everything shone brightly and life worked like magic! I was sky high, and it was not drug induced.

So I drove up the Eastern coast of Australia from Canberra with my two girls, Jessi and Tashie, over the next month. I maintained my daily meditation practice and clearing my chakras and repeating my spiritual mantra given to me from my spiritual healer. We stayed at a grungy little old pub in Bellingen and had a wonderful seafood basket that fed all three of us. I loved the character of the Bellingen Hotel but Jessi, my oldest daughter was convinced that we should stay in a luxury resort after our last stay. So we found a brochure in a café on the way to Byron Bay and she got to choose the next place we stayed. She chose the Oasis Resort.

It was an Easter weekend in Byron Bay and the Blues Festival was on. So I called from my mobile phone and the receptionist said she could give us a room for the two nights… for half price! My happy high vibe continued as we entered Byron Bay. Over the next two days we got parking spots near the beach every time. It worked beautifully! I played like a child and openly laughed with my girls for the first time I could remember. It was amazing! I couldn’t believe how easy it was.

So then we kept going north! First the Gold Coast and then the Sunshine Coast. The energy of Coolum Beach spoke to me and it only took two days before I found our cheap little rustic beach house to rent. The little house was in walking distance to the beach… perfect!

It was nine months later and it was time to move. I wanted to buy a house but I had no job and only a deposit from selling my house in Canberra. I remember the energies shifting and could feel that magical space within. One morning I looked down from the balcony and saw dozens of birds of different species all flying in a figure eight… It was freaky! So I began to look for a house.

I was drawn to Mount Coolum and I sat in front of the mountain and asked with openness and humility for a house in this area that I could afford that was adequate for me and my little family. House prices were already high in the Sunshine Coast so I wondered if it were possible. But I “put it out there” anyway, with love in my heart.

As I got into my car I looked at my Refadex and noticed a little street called Gypsy Close. I thought “wouldn’t that be cool to live in that street!” When I arrived home I noticed a real-estate brochure on my door step and low and behold… there was a three bedroom pole home in the bush that I could possibly afford in guess where? Gypsy Close, Mount Coolum!!! I had to go and see it. So I got in my car and looked at it from the outside but decided it looked a bit strange. Over the next week it played in my mind so I eventually went to see the inside. I was sold! It was great for us. My girls and I have lived in our little tree house for the next seven years but this is not where the story ends.

My “powers of manifestation” faltered when it came to men and finances. Over the time since I bought the house I have had an ex-boyfriend threaten to kill me over three months and another ex-boyfriend who exploited us until I nearly lost the house. I became very sick. I think my adrenal system finally gave up and I put on dress sizes of weight overnight. I could not function at “normal work places” without becoming intensely drained of energy and yet had a mortgage and two children to support. So I decided to take another leap of faith and set up my own business on nothing but a line of credit and stubborn streak to land on my feet. I took on the Law of Attraction philosophy and got started….

After a year or two of setting up my business, I realized that the “doing’ was as important as the “being”. I struggled for years between illusions, false beliefs, stomach ulcers, social reality and spiritual emergence… all the time getting further and further into debt. I became confused, lost all sense inner truth and self-trust, and was wide open to exploitation.

Somehow something half way sensible emerged from inside me and I moved away from the spiritual to re-ground myself in the tangible world. I stepped away from anyone who drained me or confused me and began to re-claim the long and narrow path towards sanity. I reconnected with my voice of reason and took a stand to my magical and wishful thinking that was leading me down the garden path.

So What I Learnt About the Law of Attraction!

My bitter-sweet story of the Law of Attraction gave me some powerful and important learnings about the spiritual path! But before I share what I learnt, I would love you to watch this video made by Kayley Grace called “If I’m so infinite then where the fuck is my stuff?”

 

 

 

Wow!!! Thank you Kayley Grace!

Kayley and I are far from the only two who have been affected by false messages about the Law of Attraction. I have heard many stories of people dangerously lead astray by these sorts of beliefs.

 

So here are some of what I have learnt about the Law of Attraction and the spiritual path….

 

 

I will explore each of these point in greater depth in seven blogs over the next seven days, in my blog series on Psychospiritual Reflections. However, for now I want to make the simple point that it is vital to hold onto your voice of reason when embarking on a “spiritual journey:” The tangible, financial and physical world does exist and we do live in it! We are a part of it. As Kayley generously pointed out in her video… WE ARE HUMAN and WE HAVE REAL TANGIBLE HUMAN NEEDS!!! It is important to remember this when we take on and identify with beliefs associated with the Law of Attraction!

 

Have your say on the Law of Attraction and contribute to the greater consciousnesses of humanity ….

 

 

 

26 Responses to “The Law of Attraction … Are My Beliefs Ruining My Life?”

  • Madonna:

    Vanessa,

    Loved that blog. Stories are so very interesting. It was heartfelt and genuine, but I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying. Are you saying the Law of Attraction is not true?

    I think the main problem with the law is that it has not been properly understood or explained by many of those who have written about it.

    This law only works with the Law of Alignment. That is the first omission in most explanations. The Law of Alignment is a complex law and needs to be fully understood for the LOA to properly work.

    Secondly, the LOA does not and can not take precedence over your own spiritual lessons. They must be mastered first and it is important to understand that negative circumstances also are part of the LOA. If we have unresolved issues from the past (mostly childhood), then the only way we have resolved them is by re-creating them in the present. I understand that in the future, this will not be necessary. A really good explanation of this is Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix. He fully explains why we have the relationships we do. I have a copy if you’d like to borrow it.

    Thirdly, not everyone who attempts to make the law work for them is at the same level of evolvement, which is really an aspect of the Law of alignment anyway. It is much easier for some of us than others. You’ve probably realized that. All of those 3 things have a very important impact on the Law of Attraction.

    The way I use the law is this. If I want to manifest something and I supposedly do what is necessary and it doesn’t happen, then I look at my alignment. Do my unconscious beliefs support this? Am I ready? Is this for my highest good? What do I need to shift in order to bring this to me or do I need to change direction?

    The problem is never with the law. It is always with us.

    The Law of Attraction has always been very hotly debated and no doubt will continue to be. I look forward to your next post and I admire you greatly.

    • Hi Maddona, thank you for responding at such length… you have made some fantastic points. My personal the on the Law of Attraction is that yes it does happen and we can affect the outcome. My point here id simply that it is not as simple as some people believe and we can get swept away in none helpful magical thinking that leaves us with nothing!

      I really like and agree with your points about alignment and also “spiritual lessons”. I called spiritual lessons “negative attraction patterns”, because this describes them as a magnetic process that is happening in the unconscious realm. I basically believe, the more that we heal ourselves, the more conscious we become (especially through practices such as therapy, meditation, mindfulness and energetic healing techniques) and the more consciously we can CHOSE through aligning with Divine Will.

      Great reply Madonna
      Happy New Year
      Vanessa

  • Hi Vanessa
    Well done for being grounded and spiritual at the same time:) I totally believe that it is an essential element that many of the highly spiritual “guru’s” for the want of a better word forget.
    We are living and existing in today’s world and must find the balance between fairy dust and real life. That is not to say “don’t believe in magic!”, I love magic and synchronicity, more like allow your common sense to filter some of the magic:).
    There has been an old saying that my grandfather always used….”To thy own self be true” and I have taken that as my personal mantra and it is very empowering and grounding. This has helped me many times in my journey of natural therapies and personally.
    Have a great and magical 2012 full of excitement and unlimited opportunities.
    Cheers

    • Hi Marney, thank you for your reply. Great points!!!

      We do need to balance common sense with our intuition/spiritual knowing. And that’s a great quote by your grandfather, what he said is so true!!! Magical thinking is not the same as believing in natural magic or synchronicity… that’s fine. By “magical thinking” I am referring to delusional thinking that has been accidentally promoted in circles who are passionate about the Law of Attraction.

      Great reply to my post
      Have a fantastic 2012
      Vanessa

  • Great reading again… thank you for sharing

  • Hello Vanessa,

    that is quite an article – thanks so much for sharing!
    I think Balance is the key as you describe as well. The Law of Attraction works, the scientific world is catching up with Neuro Scienece, Mirror Neurones and so on.
    But it’s up to us to use it and to take the action.
    We have a very old saying in Germany – “help yourself and God will help you” which I think is exactly the same. If you dare to go the path less traveled while you take positive action (small steps) towards what you want to achieve, the universe will support you.

    • Hi Renee, thanks for your comment.

      It’s so true that we need to take action and help ourselves to be helped by God or the Universe or a Higher Power. Wishful thinking does not really get us anywhere. But dreams that inspire action can! Creating is an act of doing…. even when it is spirituality inspired. I find that I put things out there and see what works and then take that as my sign from the universe which direction to follow. That and what is happening on the inside (open heart… enthusiasm… love etc.).

      Happy 2012 Renee!!!
      Vanessa

  • Oh gosh the video is amazing – I love it! The law of attraction is about what you think but its also about what you “dont think” :)
    Its about living, believing and experiences.
    The mind is a big part but the other parts are going through the journey of working out what you really want in life, and asking the right questions.
    Once we ask the right questions then its waiting for the right answer…..yes we need money!
    Inner happiness is about balance in life…..find what you want from life, and life will provide it for you but you have to ask for it and you have to work for it!.
    Damn – I am so not giving up anything in my life for “Being” spiritual!! I want to be rich, and I will be rich – travelling Australia in our Motorhome because I want to!
    This is so trueful!
    Cheers
    Lisa
    I am being and I am doing! I want it all :)

    • Hi Lisa, thank you for your response. I agree, Kayley’s video is amazing and I love the way she is so real and open about her frustration with life and the beliefs associated with the Law of Attraction. I do respect the attractive forces in life that work their magic but it is not as simple as what our conscious egoic mind wants. Si I agree, there is much more at work!

      Integrating “doing” and “being” with an aligned intention tends to work magic if there are not other unconscious patterns at work!

      Happy 2012!!!
      Vanessa

  • This post had me gripped!!! I couldn’t stop reading even if i tried. I completely resonate with what you say about people who call themselves spiritual being in danger of identifying with a concept. And definitely agree about the need for balance between the spiritual and the tangible. I spent a long time “practicing” the Law of attraction (I even trained as Law of Attraction Coach) and seeing no results, till i realized that my beliefs and my actions where not aligned. I had also somehow embraced a sort of ‘spiritual snobbery’ around money that unfortunately kept me from earning a decent living. When I started to grasp the concept of being, aligning and taking inspired action that’s when the magic happened.

    Great post. Happy 2012:)

    • Thank you Amanda for sharing your personal story about the Law of Attraction.

      I agree completely… it can be spiritual snobbery while at the same time taking no responsibility for choices made. It’s almost an entitlement mentality! When we come back to Earth and realize that part of gratitude is humility and we work towards aligning ourselves with inspired action, I fully agree… magic can and does happen.

      I appreciate your great comments Amanda!!!
      Have a Happy 2012
      Vanessa

  • Hi Vanessa, great blog and great video. I have worked with LOA for many years and yes it works. I keep it simple and work with “what I think about I bring about” I know that my subconscious mind does exactly what my conscious mind tells it to and that I am responsible and accountable for my thoughts and actions which produce the results positive or negative. LOA is not magic.

    I also beleive that there is a missing link in the teaching of LOA. The results come about when the thoughts and actions are accompanied by a high-vibration-energy. If we don’t respect and look after our bodies and minds through diet, movement and personal development then this state is almost impossible to attain. When we are miserable, depressed and unheathly we attach a very dark and low energy to everything we do. I feel there needs to be more focus on how important self respect and health is when dealing with LOA. Just my thoughts!!! Thanks again.

    • Hi Tracey… great point, self respect … mind, body and soul are essential to be able to be in alignment with attracting positive experiences. There is more to the picture, I believe, but these are definitely important parts to it. When we look at other cultures that practice spiritual ritual and manifestation, they spend a life time preparing mentally, physically and emotionally. I do not believe in quick fixes here, these are life style practices to heighten vibration! I also think the Law of Attraction is also about embracing what we can create, learn, give and receive, rather than what we can get materially.

      Thank you for your great response
      Happy 2012
      Vanessa

  • Kama:

    Great post Vanessa.

    I believe the danger in following the law of attraction or any other spiritual practice, is when it is done so blindly without first having gained some wisdom. We can absoloutly have a spiritual practice and also live in the material world. In fact the material world is a great place to practice our spiritual endeavors. It is the perfect place for practising awareness, non attachment and compassion. Learning all these things doesn’t mean that we must go without. Learning all these things means we can enjoy them fully without fear of losing them. The law of Attraction is not a dangerous thing on it’s own, practising the law of attraction without any real wisdom is where the danger starts. This is why it is so important to have a teacher along the way that we can trust to lead us through wisdom.
    Kama

    • Hi Kama, thank you for your wise words and yes I agree completely!

      The danger in following any spiritual practice is to do it with out wisdom. I think the Law of Attraction really took off in the West due to our concept of “deserving” and that we are very materialistically driven as a culture. But I think the commercialized hype has railroaded the real blessings of the Law of Attraction. It is great to look at this Law and discover what it really means, as otherwise it can be dangerous!!!

      Have a great 2012
      Vanessa

  • Your story is wonderful Vanessa,

    I love how you landed on the Sunshine Coast and at Mt Coolum. It is amazing how when we take our eye off what we really want, we allow into our lives that which does not make us feel good. We also must be conscious of the words we use and remember what we say is what we get/attract and what goes into our vibrational bubble.

    I started to watch the video and decided that this was not something that I was going to raise my vibes- the first 5 mins is nothing but negative- not a good look or feel.

    The Law of Attraction by my mentor Michael Losier the How to Guy of LOA takes a simple approach that totally changed my outlook on LOA and it disturbs me how many people especially many if the so called gurus really complicate it for so many with 11 laws etc.

    We also all look at the abundance we do have in our lives now and every day appreciate this and keep a gratitude journal is the best place to start.
    As Madonna says : The problem is never with the law. It is always with us.
    Thanks for sharing
    Came here via Ulitimate Blog challenge and also come from Canberra :)

    • Hi Suzie, thank you for your comment. Abundance and gratitude are a great place to start and remain in the practice of …. we do have so much to be grateful for!!!

      Have a fantastic 2012
      Vanessa

  • Thanks for your blog Nessie – you’ve raised some great questions and I love the responses above. For me, it’s not necessarily about the words we use, but the energy behind them. And as you have expressed, it’s not about separating any parts of us, but accepting all of ourselves in totality & allowing ourselves to live with authenticity.

    Kayley’s video also contains some good questions, but to be honest I felt significant incongruency with some of her statements. I confess I did not watch it to the end ( watched about 1 quarter) as the energy I was receiving from it was very disempowering. I sense a lot of anger in Kayley & believe that may be impacting on her journey.

    I look forward to reading the rest of your series!!
    Sharon xxx

    • Hi Sharon, I agree… I am loving the quality of responses from people on this blog!

      Yes, energy of thought and the associated emotion to that is what attracts, but most of that is happening on the unconscious realm. I think you are right though.. it is the energy of it. And Kayley’s video is very interesting. It’s very human and real! She raises some great points about commonly held messages about the Law of Attraction.

      Thank you for your response
      Lots of love
      Vanessa

  • Bourjois:

    Interesting video but all she did was whinge about what she doesn’t have and tired about what she’s been doing. Get up and just do it then and you can have what you want. Listening to her drone on was all about what she hasn’t done, doesn’t have…blah blah blah. What about what she does have. If she doesn’t like how things are for her its up to her to change that but yes we are human so it takes work. Sometimes work is hard or boring and yes life is full of ups and down but its what you make it to be.

    Stop being pissed off and just go and create the life you want, not the life you where meant, but the life YOU want. Do all the those things that you say you want to do by being YOU AND by taking action and doing stuff to make these things happen.

    Its all up to YOU and no one else!

    I wish for her the most fulfilling life she can possibly have and full of love and laughter and generosity and whatever else she wants for herself in her life.

    Keep smiling always….

    • Hi Bourjois, thank you for both of your comments.

      Kayley’s video is interesting. There’s two responses to her video, the first it its amazing because she expresses the deep frustration of adopting sabotaging beliefs associated with the Law of Attraction, and the second is that she is angry and ungrateful. People seem to love it or hate it. Why I chose her video is because it is very REAL. She expresses frustration at not getting anywhere from giving everything away and believing things will be magically given back by the universe. I’ve seen the same anger, frustration and disillusionment with similar beliefs in other religious and spiritual practices too. In her video she captures something important… that ideas like things will just be given to us if we believe hard enough is not true.

      I have a lot of respect for Esther & Jerry Hicks and people with similar philosophies. We just need to be careful in how we understand some of this stuff. I too believe we create our lives through out thoughts and emotional attachments (for better or worse) but from my own journey and working as a psychologist with other people, I now have the wisdom to know there is a lot more happening behind the scene. The conscious is like the tip of an iceberg and the unconscious is beneath the water. And then there is Divine Will (How ever any of us want to understand that one)!!!!

      I appreciate your comments Bourjois
      Lots of love
      Vanessa

  • Bourjois:

    Just came across a great card by Esther & Jerry Hicks. I use these cards regarding lessons, guidance and insight with regard to money..so I thought i would share with all and Kayley Grace.
    “You are the creator of your own life experience, and as the creator of your experience, it is important to understand that it is not by virtue of your action, not by virtue of your doing – it is not even by virtue of what you are saying – that you are creating. You are creating by virtue of the thought that you are offering.
    You cannot speak or offer action without thought-vibration occurring at the same time; however, you are often offering a thought-vibration without offering words or action. Children or babies learn to mimic the vibration of the adults who surround them long before they learn to mimic their words.”

    So, here’ s to good vibrational thoughts which allow action to create the desired results for you and your life. Love light and happiness at every corner :)

  • Vanessa love this post, so real! and it’s about time I am not the only person voicing the disappointment with the whole LOA ‘The Secret’ thing.

    When I read the book and saw the movie when it came out a few years ago I knew right then and there they had missed so much out of the quantum universal laws AND how the subliminal messages coming from your own patterns of thought and belief work. They made it sound like it was so easy, just sit on your couch and dream… Truth is there are a LOT more laws that affect the outcomes of your belief systems and dreams than the Law of Attraction and that is one of the major points left out of the whole ‘Secret’ thing… As an ex-science teacher and my continuing journey as a meta-quantum-physicist (yes I made that one up lol), I can tell you that there is a lot more at play than you think when using the laws of the universe. I am personally half way through writing a book about it, which will blow the whole LOA and “The Secret’ completely out of the water.

    • Vanessa:

      Hi Annie, I love your comments on my blogs!!! :-)

      I agree, when I first saw “The Secret”, I knew there were big gaps too. It is far too simplistic and unfortunately generated some major misunderstandings in our community about the Law of Attraction. This has led to some destructive outcomes where people are not really taking responsibility for their healing of unconscious patterns!!! The secret also has a focus on what we can “get” which is not really what life is about. At a soul level, I’m sure the newest car was not on it’s agenda (unless there something really valuable to learn from that experience at a soul level!).

      I’m looking forward to your book!!!!
      Lots of love
      Vanessa

  • Focault:

    What does science tell about the Law of Attraction? It tells that LoA doesn’t work. Do you need a proof by scientific evidence? Read this:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vanessa-van-edwards/law-of-attraction_b_2082921.html
    http://www.heatherkappes.com/?page_id=68

    But if you are a hard die believer in LoA, affected by cognitive bias, then please refuse to believe in science. For instance refuse to believe that your personal computer was built by using science knowledge, refuse to believe in Newton gravity law, refuse to believe in scientific evidence in general. Program your brain with positive thinking like a robot. Don’t accept your feelings as they are. Don’t love yourself as you are. Throw your life experience and your own judgment into the trash. Never desire to save your emotions.

    People, I will always save my emotions. i’ll never force myself to think positive. I don’t need it. I’ve always earnt from my mistakes and sometimes even sufference was a useful tool for improving my life. I’ll never kick off someone who have negative thinking. I won’t fear to be contaminated by negative thinking, but I’ll hear people’s reasons and I’ll try to offer my help. I don’t program my brain, I just use my heart, in a natural manner. How dare can you struggle for discovering the right way to use LoA, while too much people are starving? Don’t be selfish. If you think that LoA is useful, then try to use it for knowing yourself instead of wishing a new car. My life is wonderful, my wishes are normal. Friends, I don’t need LoA at all.

    “Quantum willness” is not in our brain. It doesn’t depend on our observation. The universe matter is not distantly “interconnected”.“Spooky actions” is a term badly used by common people because entanglement has a different meaning for science. Instead, it is linked to the concept of correlation. Interactions among particles are out in the blue and ontic (deterministic).

    http://www.nature.com/news/quantum-theorem-shakes-foundations-1.9392

    epistemic theories shared by new agers seem wrong:

    http://www.nature.com/news/a-boost-for-quantum-reality-1.10602

    All those quantum mystic myths have been widely debunked, but real scientists have never had doubts about that. I’m sorry, but this seems the beginning of the end of the “age of aquarium”, even including LoA. Science looks more fancy than the speculation of many narcisistic new agers. The real “magic power” of mind is intelligence and imagination, which leaded us to the moon and made our dreams true. No “quantum vibrations” connected by the “infinite intelligence” coming from our brain.

    http://www.edn.com/electronics-blogs/measure-of-things/4418902/Quantum-wave-functions-come-alive–May-the-Bohr-Model-rest-in-peace

    LoA is good for people who want to satisfy their desire without using their intelligence.

    http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/06/23/confirmation-bias/

    Let scientists make their own work. For the sake of the truth, for the evolution of our specie and our culture,please, don’t mix science with religion or mystical woo. Nevertheless science is falsifiable. Thus day by day New Age would be forced to falsify its statements too. That’s a nonsense for a religion.

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