What Christmas Means To Me
When I was young Christmas was bitter-sweet. The good side was that we sometimes saw my grandmother (Mumma) who I loved… the down side was I never felt close to the rest of my family. With Mumma everything was happy. I remember her ferns and the tree frogs and that she always went out of her way to make you feel happy. She was loving and caring for a young girl who was a stranger to affection and positive attention.
For the rest of my Christmas’s I struggled with feelings of abandonment and disappointment. Neither parent was capable of the love a child needed for reasons of their own so by the time I was an early adult I blankly boycotted Christmas and rejected anything that even looked like Christmas. In fact for over a decade I rebelled against a great deal of mainstream society, commercialism and family tradition.
It has only been through many painful life events that have brought me to my knees and helped me to realise slowly, the deep longing inside for family, human connection and the magic of Christmas. Bit by bit I return to the little girl inside me who loves the sparkling, shining anticipation that offers presents, yummy dinners and a few kind words from Mumma.
Over the last seven years I have been re-claiming Christmas with differing degrees of success, largely depending on the events of the year before. My girls gave me the special gift of a new family who loved me and wanted to share happiness and magic.
These days Christmas holds the promise of celebrating and embracing new concepts of family I largely did not have in my childhood. It offers opportunities to give to my girls and share with friends. It also opens the possibility of valuing myself and decorating my house in ways that temporarily make everything shine. Now I can appreciate Christmas in ways I have not before! Most of all, I have learnt to appreciate the people in my life who bring happiness and joy. So this is what Christmas means to me!!!
I would love to hear what Christmas Means to you?