Healing Family Legacies

Psychospiritual Reflections 9.1.2012

In my blog “The Difference Between the Conscious & Unconscious in the Law of Attraction” I focused on the differences between the conscious mind and the unconscious, and I looked at what it means to be consciously responsible for choices. Today I want to take a closer look at what unconscious patterns actually are and what is involved in healing them.

Unconscious Family Patterns

Unconscious patterns are made up of memories, images, emotional reactions, beliefs and patterns of behaving that a person is not consciously aware of. While these patterns are unseen by the conscious mind they do however manifest in everyday life as self sabotage or self-destructive behaviour. They also tend to lead to suffering. Therefore, sooner or later we often turn to face ourselves and work through our patterns in order to find freedom from this suffering.

Unconscious patterns can be an individuals attempt at surviving a childhood situation or they can be learnt from the family and therefore a generational pattern. Often what worked to survive childhood pain becomes an unconscious pattern of thought, feelings and actions in adulthood that causes misery. Likewise, it is amazing how powerful family pattern are. We may live a part from our family for decades and believe we have changed so much as a person through those experiences. Yet when we visit our family, low and behold we are seventeen again and back in the family dynamics and patterns. It can almost make you cringe!

In some alternative and esoteric modalities, unconscious patterns may also include pasty life patterns and even future life patterns. Some people believe in their existence and some do not, what I mainly want to point out her though is that if there are past lives, then it is important not to mistake a person or personality in another life as “yourself”. In a similar way that we are not responsible for the unconscious, we are also not our past lives. What I generally find is that whether you identify a pattern as current interpersonal issues, past inner-child issues, or past life memories, the psychological theme of the pattern is the same. The patterns that require healing emerge throughout our lives and are often what cause us the most pain.

The Healing Process

So when we look at healing these unconscious patterns and releasing them, it is easier said than done. Generally I find a combination of modalities is most helpful. Psychological therapies such as counselling, touch therapies such as massage, energy techniques such as kinesiology and mindfulness practice such as yoga are all helpful to release unconscious patterns.

Ultimately conscious awareness is the key to breaking free from these unconscious patterns. When we can see the patterns clearly, we are already 50% there. The more consciously aware of the thoughts, feelings and actions within the pattern, and how it came about, the more we eventually get to a point where we do not have to repeat it. We simply see it for what it is and cease to believe the beliefs behind it.

The next step is one of forgiveness to self and other. This is a process of release… and not condoning bad or abusive behaviour. So when I talk about forgiveness, I am referring to recognising the emotional pain we hold inside ourselves and bringing compassion and understanding into it.

The final step is to learn skills and practices of new more adaptive patterns. We are creatures of habit and the conscious mind does rely of patterns of behaviour. The difference is that we can make more conscious choices about how we respond to events in the world when we know ourselves. We learn HOW to be responsible for our thoughts, feelings and actions. The new patterns may be more mindful rather than emotionally reactive.

Next time I want to look at another type of relationship that has an annoying habit of bringing our unconscious patterns to our conscious awareness. Yes, that’s right… I’m talking about intimate relationships!!! I will discuss the basis of conscious and unconscious relationship and how the Law of Attraction plays such an uncanny role in helping us find our perfect match.


Have your say on the Law of Attraction and contribute to the greater consciousnesses of humanity ….




6 Responses to “Healing Family Legacies”

  • Great Post Vanessa!
    It’s so true, that there are lots of things that can help – but only to a certain extent. Ultimately, it is up to us to do the hard work and bring it into our consciousness. It’s like weightloss – there is no magic pill that can just get rid of it all for us!
    Really enjoyed reading this post.

    Thank You :)

    • Thank you Carlee for your comment. You are tight, it is up to each of us to bring our patterns into the light of conscious awareness. And help is good along the way.

      Lots of love

  • Hi Vanessa,
    Healing family legacies. What a job some of us have.
    I noticed that my young son inherited some of his fathers issues and he never even lived with him. Amazing. The sins of the fathers.
    Really liking your stuff.

    • Hi Madonna, yeah it’s interesting!!! My girls haven’t grown up with their father and yet they have some similar personality qualities too. In kinesiology and spiritual or intuitive healing I have found my own family patterns emerging bit by bit too. We seem to energetically carry them until we are ready to see them, learn from them and release them!

      Thank you for your comment
      Lots of love

  • Hi Vanessa,
    I love that you explore a more holistic approach, recognizing our connection to our environment and others is pivotal in recovery!

    • Hi Cheryl, thank you for your comment. I strongly believe our wellness (or otherwise) is in context with our society, family and the relationships around us… My counseling training is in couple’s counselling, narrative therapy and systems therapy.

      Have a fantastic day
      Lots of love

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