The Nature of Unconscious Attraction Patterns

How Does the Law of Attraction Work?

If it is Unconscious… What Can I do About That?

The fourth point in the “Law of Attraction… Are My Beliefs Ruining MY Life?” is that the unconscious holds beliefs that work its own kind of magic that we are not conscious of! Our conscious mind may desire a whole lot of material good and types of relationships. However the process of unconscious Attraction does not really work that way.

Through previous blogs we see that the unconscious and awakening spiritual awareness involves a lot more than what we might consciously want. I personally believe alignment between our conscious mind and the unconscious can attract experiences to us. I belief in certain states of mind we are attracted towards certain types of relationships and synchronous events that can lead to successful outcomes. However, I also believe that there are certain themes that we are put on this Earth to learn from. We could call it “soul lessons”, “sacred contracts”, fate or God’s Will. Whatever you call it, this is where certain themes or issues play out and are being resolved through our life experience.

Psychospiritual Themes and Psychological Patterns

Even if we step away from a spiritual understanding and adopt a purely psychological perspective, these themes show up throughout a person’s life. Whether we focus on a person’s presenting issue in therapy stemming from their current interpersonal problems or whether we focus on the inner child or family generational issues, the themes are generally the same. For those who work in alternative or esoteric fields and embrace past lives, again the themes are generally the same. So it is the themes and the psychological patterns connected to those themes that are important here.

Psychological themes have a core belief or issue that the pattern is attached to. Like a spider’s web, everything is built around a core point or a few key issues. These themes differ for all of us. They could be about self-value or worth, they could be about narcissism, control, abandonment, judgement, public humiliation, success, self-efficacy, over or under responsibility, lovability, just to name a few. Patterns are made up of the thoughts, feelings and actions that are the manifestation of the core belief. These patterns could be self-sabotage patterns, addictions, avoidance patterns, or self-destructive patterns. The pattern and the core issues can be identified either through observing a repetitive theme in a person’s life or by the disproportion of the emotional reaction to a current event. These themes may show up in the area of intimate relationship, employment, housing, finances, family, substance abuse or a range of other areas in a person’s life.

So through the last few paragraphs I have worked my way from the unconscious/spiritual dimension of core beliefs and patterns through to the material/practical arena of how they may be manifested.

Responsibility and the Unconscious

As a rule of thumb, in my clinical experience and what is understood in Eastern traditions and alternative therapies, is that generally the outer world and behaviour reflects the inner world, even if the person is not consciously aware of why. This is not the fault of the person, it is normal. Until we do a lot of deep exploration, no one has a clue of what is really happening inside them! So I like to steer clear of saying it is their responsibility or choice to “attract in experiences” and would rather say it is their choice whether they heal or not. Even then there needs to be a readiness and it may not be now. This too is not a bad thing. I have complete faith that people do heal when they are consciously and unconsciously ready to do so. This readiness is essential to increasing awareness and releasing old patterns. But I do want to emphasise if they are not ready it is because they are legitimately not ready…a healthy respect for the safety mechanism in the mind and the unconscious forces in life, is important I belief.

A Combination of Modalities Works Best

Working to release patterns and core beliefs may take a while. They tend to have a circular nature, they are layered as they say in Gestalt therapy… like layers of an onion. Through each layer we understand a little more. The wisdom of that theme becomes deeper. Eventually we see it so clearly we do not need to play it out anymore. We see it for what it is! I love the practice of mindfulness in combination with energy healing modalities for releasing patterns. As a psychotherapist/ psychologist, I enjoy working with people who are working through the conscious with me and are accessing either kinesiology, spiritual healing, acupuncture, a chiropractor or similar fields for the unconscious energy shifts.

The journey is as important as the end result. Life does not stop and we are suddenly perfectly healed. Rather, we wake up every now and then and realise how far we have come.

My Personal Spiritual Healing Journey

For me personally, I realise that I forgot that I used to wake up dreading the day because now when I wake up, I embrace it. I feel excited about meeting new people and seeing where this journey in life leads me. Before I was full of fear, when now I am excited. Before things were heavy, where now they are light. I still feel the full spectrum of emotion and I witness my thoughts as they sometimes replay old patterns, but now I simply witness them without acting out of them. Where that point was when I woke up happy, I do not know. I ventured in and out of the darkness for years while accessing healing modalities, until I integrated the awareness of happiness, outside the patterns that created suffering.

Through this healing process I also became aware of synchronicities that flow through my life. The Law of Attraction seems to work its magic when I am happy and light. It happens when I’m in the right emotional space… the flow… the zone! But I did not get there by sitting around thinking about it. I got there by pro-actively healing myself through counselling, energy clearings, massage, hypnosis, and spiritual healings. I slowly became conscious of that which I was previously unconscious. As one of my beautiful spiritual healers (Barbara Van DeBrug) said… I was pea soup and now I am clear! That took seven years of kinesiology, Barbara’s chakra balances, Miriam Schafer’s Hara healings and counselling! Before I saw Barbara and another healer, (Leonie in Canberra) before her, I’m sure I was black tar!!! I feel blessed for all their help!

Based on accumulated wisdom and guidance, I learnt to make better choices (by “better” I mean more life enhancing rather than destructive). My conscious mind gained clarity and I learnt new ways of being, which yes, involve new ways of “doing”.

So the unconscious mind has its own agenda that our conscious mind may be completely unaware of, or in conflict with. However, as we work to heal and balance ourselves, we learn how to align the conscious with the unconscious. And if we allow it… life’s magic can unfold in ways that do amaze us!

Have your say on the Law of Attraction and contribute to the greater consciousnesses of humanity …




Spiritual Emergency: The Dark Night of the Soul!

I would like to give thanks to Stan & Christina Grof for all their wonderful information on spiritual emergency. My dedication goes to Alli Lawler who was the beautiful woman who introduced me the Spiritual Emergence Network.  And I would also like to thank Kama Frankling for her support and wisdom on spiritual emergence.

In my blog “The Law of Attraction… Are My Beliefs Ruining My Life?”, the third point that was raised was that spiritual emergence without grounded reason can lead to serious mental illness with dangerous implications. Many people are inspired towards the spiritual path because they want to be special or because they think it will bring happiness and enlightenment!!! What most people are not told is that a spiritual journey is actually the harder path. It’s not a Sunday walk in the park… Spiritual awakening is about transformation at a soul level, this sort of stuff often happens through trauma or tragedy. It can shake the core of your being. In spiritual awakening you are changing your old thought and emotional patterns on a deep level and then relearning how to interact with the world and people again. Through the process some people even experience what we term in the West, mental illness such as depression, anxiety and psychosis.

In some non-western cultures Shamans may go through a dark night of the soul before they emerge into the tribe’s Sharman. In the West we would see that person as having a mental illness and possibly a psychotic episode. In these cultures they are seen as a Sharman in training. These cultures understand the psychotic episode to be a deep transformation and spiritual emergence lead by their own inner demons (and maybe outer demons too). People can go through this type of spiritual awakening for years, supported by their communities until they come out of it. Some never come out of it. However it is interesting that there is a far higher rate of these people emerging out of a “spiritual emergence” than there is a person in the West recovering from a “psychotic episode” through the mental health system.

In Eastern practices such as Buddhism, it is also well known that a person can suffer from symptoms of mental illness through regular meditation practice and spiritual awakening. When someone begins to experience symptoms of anxiety, depression or even psychosis through their emergence, they are guided away from spiritual practice to re-ground themselves. It is the only time they can eat red meat, they work in the gardens or fields and they cease meditation practices.

It is no wonder demons and scary images are captured and portrayed in religious art, including Christian art. Spiritual awakening burns through what we want to see least about ourselves. While not all of us go through a full blown spiritual emergency (that looks much like mental illness), spiritual emergence does tend to bring us to our knees in humility. It often throws us into an egotistical state for a while SO WE CAN CLEARLY SEE THE EGO! It’s a little embarrassing, trust me!!! We go sky high and lose our grounding for a while… I was ungrounded for years. It has bouts of pristine clarity and then complete confusion and disorientation. Any underlying unconscious patterns tend to be brought up to the light of consciousness, even when we struggle to remain ignorant and try to avoid what we don’t want to see. If we don’t know what we are doing we can get lost on the spiritual path… it can be a frightening place!

In saying all of that, I do believe with the right psychospiritual guidance, the practice of balance and mindfulness, and honouring the self and others, emerging into spiritual awareness can be a rewarding and honorable journey. The more aware we become, the responsible we can be and the more we can make choices where before we were largely ignorant of ourselves and reacting out of unconscious patterns. For those who chose to walk the path… you have my blessings and be wise on your journey!!!!


Have your say on the Law of Attraction and contribute to the greater consciousnesses of humanity …





Mindfulness for Health Practitioners

How Do You Reduce Stress & Burnout?

In giving your service to clients in your practice you may find your work is incredibly meaningful and rewarding as well as exhausting and sometimes draining. Wether you are an osteopath, chiropractor, kinesiologist, psychologist, counsellor, naturopath or other health provider, balance and self care are a necessary aspect of maintaining a healthy service to your clients. Besides the actual service you offer, if you are running your own practice there are also business and administration duties that may weigh you down! Stress and burnout are all too familiar in the health industry, so how we manage our well-being is vital to business success for any health practitioner.

Whatever your business circumstances, mindfulness is a fantastic practice to support balance and ease in a busy therapeutic practice. If you are like most health practitioners then you have probably at least heard of mindfulness. You may have even begun a regular mindfulness practice at home. Today’s focus however, is about prioritising the integration of mindfulness into your daily business routines in your health service.

Steps to Integrating Mindfulness into Your Health Practice

The first step to integrating mindfulness into your health practice is to recognise its benefit in the context of your health practice. Mindfulness can help refresh your mind and de-stress your body as you work with your clients or carry out administration work. While it is easy to become consumed in the business activities and duties, practicing mindfulness will enhance your service as well as lift your energy levels at work. You can become so entrenched in the ‘doing’ that the ‘being’ can be forgotten. So the practice of mindfulness is as important at work as it is outside of work.

The second point is to realise that mindfulness can be integrated into a range of tasks that you are already doing. You do not need to add another ‘thing’ to your already busy list. You can simply modify the way you are doing it. Rather than rush between booking a client, organising the bookkeeping and welcoming the next client into session… slow down and breathe. Mindfulness can be as simple as taking ten seconds to feel the air enter into your lungs, feel your rib cage expand and contract and feel the air be released. Or it could be taking thirty seconds to feel the texture of the paper underneath your finger tips, or to really take notice of the image on your business card. It does not matter what you are doing as much as creating the ‘space’ within your body and mind to feel and witness what is. The simple act of ‘witnessing’ in mindfulness has the powerful influence of calming a busy mind.

The third step is to create reminders to practice mindfulness while at work. At first it is easy to forget to practice mindfulness throughout the day and especially if you are working in a busy health service. So a simple strategy is to put prompts around you at work to remind you. For example, you may create a phone message system or blue-tack a card above your computer screen. Eventually you will not need these prompts but at first, they can really help to maintain your mindfulness practice.

So these are three simple steps to integrating mindfulness into your health service. In a nut shell:

  • Recognize the benefits of mindfulness at work
  • Integrate mindfulness into current activities at work
  • Set up reminders to practice mindfulness in your work place
  • These three steps may seem incredibly simple but they are very powerful as you regularly bring mindfulness into your everyday way of being at work.

    Take The First Step Today To A Mindful Health Practitioner Business…

    If you want a beginners guide to developing your ability to practice mindfulness, feel free to subscribe to my 10 days of mindfulness tips and audio mediations on this website.

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    Mindfulness at Work

    Feeling Drained from Work?

    Find out how mindfulness could help increase your energy and make your work more enjoyable

    How many times have you been at work and begun wondering why you are pushing yourself so hard? Do you arrive home from work feeling stressed and overwhelmed? Have you find yourself wasting the weekend oversleeping because you feel drained from work? If you can say “yes” to any of these questions, then the practice of mindfulness could greatly benefit you in your daily life.

    Whether you own your own a business, manage a team of people or work for someone else, mindfulness is an important key to coping well at work. We often have routine duties and tasks that we have to do, even though we really don’t want to. This leads to stress. We may have to socialise with people that we would not entertain if we were not working, and we have to learn things that we may not be interested in. Even if you own a business, while there may be some latitude in what you do, the weight of responsibility of owning a business often becomes the source of stress.

    Mindfulness can help you to step out of persistent worry, stress and anxiety by giving you the awareness of how to witness thoughts and emotions rather than being stuck in them. Most of time we tend to think we are our thoughts and emotions. We do not realize that we can watch them without being overpowered by them. This is what it is to ‘dis-identify’ from thoughts and emotion. As we do this, our awareness becomes clearer and more peaceful.



    Perhaps one of the most empowering aspects of mindfulness is an expanded ability to make life enhancing choices. We often think we are making choices all the time, and yet we are really reacting out of childhood conditioning and psychological patterns. We then become frustrated because we go around in circles and are not able to break free of the unpleasant consequences to our reactions. The power of witnessing conditioned thoughts is amazing! We literally get to the point where we can see the pattern so clearly that we simply look at it and realise we do not need to buy into the thoughts. We simply do not believe them anymore. However, if we cannot see them in the first place, we are not really making choices at all.

    So when you are working in your job or business, it is empowering to turn the mirror to yourself and watch yourself as you function at work. What are the thoughts that bombard your mind? What are the triggers at work that cause you unpleasant emotions? Where does your body tense when a stressful event occurs at work? Witnessing your reactions to work events is the first step to eventually changing them.

    Take The First Step Today…

    You can access your free “10 days of mindfulness guide” by simply subscribing to this website. When you subscribe you will receive valuable information and audio meditations by email over the 10 days. You can use these meditations whenever you wish, as you learn the process behind mindfulness practice.


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    Beginning Mindfulness

    Never Tried Mindfulness Before?

    Here’s where to start…

    These days we tend to see the word “mindfulness” everywhere we look. Health magazines, business reviews, internet marketing, workshops and billboards seem to promote this new wiz-bang practice that promises peace of mind and physical well-being. But what exactly is mindfulness and is it really what it promises to be? Can the average person who plods through life the best they can utilize these practices and enhance their quality of life?

    Well, the first point about mindfulness is that it is far from new. Mindfulness is lifted from meditative and yoga practices that have existed for hundreds if not thousands of years in the East. The biggest recent change in mindfulness practice is that Western countries have found this practice and have recognised its potential benefits. Western psychology for example, has now studied the practice of mediation and mindfulness and has a large body of evidence to support its validity. Even 5 minutes of practicing mindfulness a day can significantly decrease stress and anxiety and promote psychological and physical health.

    So, who best could benefit from mindfulness practice? The answer is simple, everyone can benefit from practicing mindfulness. The reason for this is that mindfulness is actually a very simple process that is not limited by intellectual or physical in-ability. It does not need to take very much time and can be incorporated into any everyday chore or activity.

    The beauty of mindfulness is that we do not even have to “make time for it”! I often practice mindfulness when I do the dishes in the morning after breakfast. I enjoy this daily routine because it starts my day on a positive and refreshing note. I stand there at the kitchen sink and breathe. I look out the window in front of me and breathe in the palms and branches of the trees. I then put my dish gloves on, feeling the gloves slide slowly over my fingers and hands. I then bring my attention fully into the act of lifting the first dish and placing it in the bubbling water. I consciously feel the circular motion of washing the dish… and on I go!

    It is amazing! Washing the dishes becomes a timeless, mindful practice where I can escape the bombardment of annoying thoughts and stressful body tension. If I catch my thoughts infiltrating my mindfulness practice, I simply acknowledge the wanderings of my mind and gently refocus my awareness back to the motion of washing the dishes. Beautiful! By the time I finish the dishes I am in a clear, positive state of mind, ready to facer my day.

    The practice of mindfulness is simply the process of bringing awareness fully into what we are doing, thinking or feeling. It is literally “smelling the roses”! Mindfulness can be practiced at any time. It is simply a shift in conscious awareness and focus.


    Take the First Step Today…

    You can access your free 10 day beginner mindfulness package by simply subscribing on this page. When you subscribe you will receive valuable information and audio meditations by email over the 10 days. You can use these meditations whenever you wish, as you learn the process behind mindfulness practice.

    All you need to do to get started is simply subscribe Today!

    Free Subscription to 10 Days of Mindfulness

    Tips & Audio Meditations


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    Christmas Cheers!

    Three Tips to Cope with Christmas

    It’s silly season again and you may have begun to feel the overwhelm that builds up before Christmas. I see the trend every year as people become almost frantic as Christmas draws closer. What are those feelings really about? Why do we become so stressed before this celebration? And perhaps most importantly, what can I do to remain stressed and at peace through this time?

    There are multiple reasons why Christmas can be stressful. Some of these include financial pressure, stressful family dynamics, socially imposed expectations and even loneliness. Christmas is a time when everyone seems to go back to their families and celebrate. But for anyone who does not have a family or has lost a loved one over the last few years, Christmas can be a time of grief and sorrow. It can highlight what and who we don’t have around us.

    Christmas can also be a time of high family stress, especially as social consumer expectations are high and so many people are struggling. Again, Christmas can highlight what we don’t have and leave us feeling inadequate.
    It can be great seeing the extended family again, and it can be stressful. Al those feelings like you are five years old again come rushing to the surface. Family patterns are powerful and they can bring up unresolved issues. Even the most aware can fall prey to good old family patterns!

    So what is the answer?

    Here are some tips that can help you over the Christmas period. First, keep in mind a value or goal… is Christmas about celebration or connection or gratitude? When consumer expectations and family get togethers get overwhelming, remind yourself of your goal and ask, “Is this in alignment with what Christmas really means to me?” This value is like your barometer. It can help you on stay on track rather than lead astray. Secondly, practice boundaries. Sometimes these boundaries are with ourselves and our wallets and sometimes these boundaries are with other people and relatives. But boundaries do help maintain healthy relationships. If for whatever reason, you feel stressed about spending time with others then set clear boundaries with yourself and them and stick to it. For example, “I’ll see Uncle Bob and family for two hours rather than the whole day!” Remember, we can set boundaries in ways that sound kind, with compassion, and yet have a strong core that does not waver! Finally, practicing self-awareness and mindfulness never goes astray around Christmas. Mindfulness is the art of self-awareness, which can set in good stead for not getting drawn into self-defeating arguments or empty wallets.

    Here are the Three Tips Again…

    Know your values behind Christmas

    Set healthy boundaries

    Practice mindfulness

    With these tips in mind, I wish you a fantastic Christmas!!!

    Tell me your Christmas worries and I will respond to them in furfure blogs over the December period. I would also love to hear about how you cope with difficult times at Christmas, as your ideas could help others!




    Responsive to Staff Needs

    Business Responsiveness To Staff Well-being

    We have now approached the final article in this series “Psychology in Business” for 2011, and today we are going to focus on the importance of businesses’ being responsive to the wellbeing of staff members.

    Over the last seven posts, we have looked at:

  • Why the mental health of your business is vital to your business survival in an unpredictable economic market
  • How to survive in a stressed business environment
  • Why businesses need to ensure ethical practice to enhance adaptability and productivity in this market
  • How to successfully manage staff cuts in business
  • The importance of clearly defined staff roles in business
  • Successfully introducing change in business
  • And involving staff in decision making processes in business
  • All of these topics are essential ingredients to adaptable and successful business in this changing market. There is a great deal of noise in the business world about social media, constant technological change, changing goal posts in legal requirements, business structures and training. Unfortunately, how businesses are functioning psychologically and how they treat staff can be over looked, due to the bombardment of information, expectations and necessities.

    We have already focussed on a range of specific issues and areas of ethical practice within the business management and why this is centrally important for business survival, rather than an “expensive nicety” or “optional extra”. So today we are going to look at an over view of ethical practice of staff within business.

    Staff management needs to be directive for the business to run effectively. There needs to be workable structures, timelines, policies and procedures. However, there also needs to be realistic, achievable and sometimes flexible approaches to attaining effective work flow and productivity. Effective communication and appropriate staff input are two key ingredients. When we ask staff about their experience of their position in the work environment in an open and genuinely respectful way, we can learn a lot about our own business. Valuing their expertise and experience are important.

    I have witnessed what happens when assumptions, miscommunication and judgement rules the workplace. And this is more likely to happen when managers, business owners and the business itself are stressed. Businesses lose opportunities to benefit from valuable staff productivity and insights. Staff members suffer and often eventually leave, maybe with law suits or Work Cover claims pending. Businesses are then left with more to deal with and new staff to train. Everyone loses!

    The important message here is when external stresses such as cash flow issues, extra external demands, and economic instability impact on the business, it is essential to look at how staff are treated within your business. In other words… it is essential to look at your businesses mental health. The whole organism is made up of every person who works within the business. Everyone in the business is like an area in a brain. They all need to be functioning well for the business to function well.

    It can be helpful to have a look around your business environment with open eyes every now and then. Our businesses often become like our family or our pet projects, we are too close and too habituated to them to see them clearly. Simple step back and look! Who seems to be working well, who seems most happy, who appears to be struggling, and who is most unhappy? Communicate with staff members on a one on one basis and find out how they are going. Staff will trust you as they learn their best interest is important to you, as well as the best interest of the businesses. You do not have to fix anyone’s problems, especially if their problems are located outside the business. However knowing what staff are going through and supporting them can make a big difference. By supporting them, I mean listening to them, suggesting counselling or appropriate avenues for treatment if they need it, and allowing them appropriate support, either time or financial support for treatment if appropriate to the business. Support can also be to uphold their confidentiality of what they have told you and do not partake in gossip.

    Being mindful of your own stress levels as a manager or business owner is just as important. Are you sleeping well? Are you leaning too much on alcohol or other addictions? Do you feel energized or drained as soon as walk through the door of your business? When you talk about or even think about your staff, do feel resentful and critical towards them or do you feel appreciation and see what they do well? How do think of yourself as a manager or owner towards your staff? If you were to visualise a character to capture your relationship with your staff, who would it be? Are you Robin Hood or are you the sheriff of Nottingham? Are you open to constructive feedback from others about how you are going as a manager or business owner? Al these things help to enhance yours and the businesses mental health.

    I would love to hear if you have been able to implement any of these ethical staff practices into your business or team that you manage. I would also love to hear about any staff member who can influence their business to adopt any of these practices. Respect and appreciation are far more powerful than control or authoritarian styles of management. To support and embrace our staff team upholds the integrity and maximises business mental health.






    The Psychology of Business Series 2011: The Individual in the Workplace

    How Can I Remain Balanced in a Stressed Business?

    Today we are going to look at how an individual person can better cope in a business that is stressed. Next time we will look at the company itself, and what strategies can help a stressed business maintain its mental health. There are three main ingredients to maintaining mental health as an individual in a stressed business. The first is to become aware of your reaction to stress. The second is to see the effects of your reaction in the business context. Thirdly, is to find more effective solutions to the stress in the business.

    As an individual person surviving in the workforce, self awareness is essential because as stress increases you are likely to fall into old defense pasterns. So it is important to know how you react to stress. This includes both what ways are your coping mechanisms are helpful and in what ways are they a barrier to your success. For example, if when you are stressed do you put your head down and work harder? If so, the benefit is that you may become more productive, however the disadvantage may be that you stop listening to others and stop looking where you are going. Another example is that you may become more directive and push others harder. The advantage to this is that you may increase control over the direction of the project or the company, but the disadvantage is that your leadership style may become a dictatorship and you may loose the morale of your workers. Another possible reaction to stress may be that you become increasingly aware of others and hypertensive to the stress around you. The advantage is that you are very aware that appropriate action to the stressful environment is required, but the disadvantage is that you may become highly anxious and find it hard to speak up. In short, recognizing your reaction to stress is the first step to addressing it.

    The second step is to take a step back! Here it is important to reflect on how you can address the disadvantages of your reaction to stress. This may require counselling, yoga, meditation, exercise or similar appropriate solutions to reducing the stress itself so you can get clarity of mind. Mindfulness is a very effective way of addressing this, as it can both decrease stress and increase awareness of your reactions to the stress. Mindfulness is simply the ability to detach from the thoughts, body tension and emotions and watch them with curiosity and awareness. This type of detachment is beneficial as we can see what is actually happening within ourselves. It is important to note that this process is very different from becoming aloof or suppressing thoughts or emotions. Detaching peacefully and WATCHING mindfully is all about increasing self awareness and seeing what we might otherwise not want to see. It may also mean feeling and learning to tolerate unpleasant emotions. However the benefits in the end can be freedom from stress, anxiety and depression. So, step two is to see how your reaction to stressful circumstances increases your suffering and contributes to the negative dynamics within the business itself.

    Step three is to then ask, what could I think, feel or do differently that would contribute to a better outcome in this difficult situation? For example, perhaps instead of working harder, the answer is “working smarter”. Maybe getting different ideas, approaches and learning about new business initiatives will bring about more rewarding outcomes than simply doing more of what you have been doing in the past.  Another example is that it may be that a different leadership style can help staff to better cope, feel more confident in their positions and increase value and respect in the workplace. Or it maybe that speaking up in a way that helps empowers both you and the business you are working for is the answer. There are a range of different personal reactions and therefore solutions to stress. The key is to know yourself and commit to change if that is what is needed to decrease stress.

    This may not be the whole answer as there are a number of things that are outside our control and are not our responsibility to change. If we aim to influence the situation positively and things do not change then perhaps the next step is to detach and come back to what you do have control over. Remaining stuck in unpleasant circumstances and believing that you are helpless to change it, can eventually lead to depression. So come back to what you can change in your own life to create a better outcome. If a stressed business cannot or will not change then perhaps looking else where can alleviate your helplessness and open up opportunities.

    Ultimately, a business is only as good as its workers, and visa-verse! If you feel stressed and you are aware that the business you are working in, own or are managing is a big part of what is contributing to this stress, then seek appropriate help. If the business needed an accountant, book keeper or financial adviser, it would be a “no brainer”… access the appropriate expertise. It is the same for mental and emotional issues. In the current market, anxiety, high stress and depression is becoming more prevalent. When we look at the stress of the economic market, this is completely understandable. The trick is to access counselling earlier rather than later.

    Often we belief we are more powerless than we really are in a business. Embracing your strengths and moving towards your personal potential is an asset to the business you work for. Working through old defenses and discovering new more effective ways of dealing with stress in your business, can result in you realising your potential within the business you are working in.


    Transmuting Rejection Into Self Acceptance

    Breaking Free From The Patterns That Bind Us

    Transmuting Rejection Into Self Acceptance

    The experience of rejection can be an incredibly painful experience and one which most of us strive to avoid. We can feel rejection in many ways including a rejection of our ideas, values, beliefs, feelings, things and/or people who are important to us, spirituality or our self as a whole. In the raw experience of rejection we can feel mortified, crushed, defeated, devalued or even betrayed. While many of us will do anything to avoid feeling rejected by someone else, how many of us have stopped to look at what is really happening behind the scenes within ourselves when we are feeling rejected?

    Today’s article focuses on the real nature of rejection and how we can break the pattern within ourselves that leads to us feeling rejected. That last sentence may seem to be a huge statement … You may claim, “MY PATTERN of rejection!” And then state, “It wasn’t me and my pattern that made me feel rejected, it was that evil person who thought I was stupid and then didn’t talk to me throughout the whole workshop!” But that is the nature of rejection, we feel someone else is rejecting us, we become hurt, judgemental, and defensive or cautious towards that person and tend to send out a psychic go away signal to the whole world. We tend to either go into our shell or we retaliate in anger. Which ever way we respond, within ourselves we hold frustration, humiliation, resentment and shame.

    Why Rejection is Not Rejection

    The problems with believing that other people can reject us are that firstly, we would always be on the look out for others potentially rejecting us to protect ourselves. This is debilitating. We would spend a huge amount of time and energy and worry while we are on the look out second guessing everyone else’s motives and intensions. And while we are doing this, we are distracted from our own ability to create, make choices and give to the world freely. In other words, we are out of our “inner power” and truth. The crazy thing is that this is true of many of us. It used to be true of me, until I started to break the pattern of rejection using mindfulness. The second problem with the idea of rejection is that we tend to globalise it to encompass our whole self. Instead of thinking that person has different ideas and values to me, we tend to take the difference as a personal attack. We internalise it to become an identity statement. It ceases to be about a belief or value and in our mind it begins to become they rejected “me”. This leads to a deep sense of shame and humiliation about ourselves rather than an acceptance of difference. Thirdly, is that it is a very painful place to be. If there were another way, surely we would choose that because it would be liberating.

    So we have looked at the nature of rejection as it is commonly experienced and we have seen how debilitating it can be, now we are going to look at rejection as a pattern.

    Mindfulness as a Way to Dissolve Patterns of Rejection

    To practice mindfulness to gain clarity on the rejection pattern we need to discover what it really consists of and to break it down into manageable pieces. On a conscious level, it consists of a whole lot of thoughts about other people and ourselves and certain emotions attached to those thoughts.  Focussing on the beliefs involved about others in the experience of rejection, we often believe things like “that person doesn’t like me”, or “they think I’m an idiot”, or “that person is far smarter than me, they won’t want anything to do with me”. How ever the evidence for these beliefs is often body language, aloofness, or someone’s absence of actively talking to us or engaging our attention.  So the first step is to call it and see it as “perceived rejection”. It is our perception, our beliefs about what the other person is thinking or feeling that can lead us to feeling rejected. But is it true?

    There are a lot of reasons why people act the way they do. And a large number of people are probably caught in their own judgements of themselves and others. However, from my experience as a counsellor, most people’s behaviour is a reflection of themselves rather than another person. They may have a head ache and are there fore quieter than usual, or they may be tired. Often what is happening, is that they are trying to deal with their own feelings of anxiety and worrying about what you may be thinking of them. As weird as it is, a great number of people generally feel inadequate and a little paranoid about what others are thinking about them. We are often all caged in our little prisons called our minds, and find it hard to see beyond the confines of our own self judgements. So what we thought was happening is often really only our perception of what is happening. And while we are in the rejection pattern, it is particularly easy to get it wrong.

    So the first step to breaking this pattern through the practice of mindfulness is to know that rejection is a perception. The second step is to witness our own thoughts or beliefs. When we feel rejected we can breathe deeply and watch our own thoughts. What do we believe of the other person? Has this stream of thinking happened before in other situations? What was the outcome then? What would we prefer to happen? How does this thinking allow the better outcome to happen? Are our thoughts sabotaging our connections with other people? These questions take us away from blindly believing the thoughts and encourage us to loosen the attachment to these thoughts. In the pattern of rejection, it is our own thoughts about ourselves and others that creates the experience rejection.

    But what about when someone does actually think negatively towards me? Even if another person is judging or dismissing how we think, feel or act, we are still believing them as opposed to believing in and trusting ourselves. If a person is in a state of judgement, that reflects on their inner state rather than our state, unless we let it effect our state. This may sound a little cold but it is not. I call it “compassionate detachment”. To know another person is caught within their own patterns and to discern (rather than judge them) whether their perspective may have some validity is more empowering than to take on another person’s judgements. Coming back to “what do I believe in”, “what does respect mean to me”, “my values are equally important as other people” etc. We may find that there is an irreconcilable difference between ourselves and others, however, this is not the experience of rejection. There is no deeply felt shame about ourselves or humiliation… just an acknowledgement of difference. Only through being aware of ourselves and our own true value can we discern what serves us and what does not.

    Self Acceptance Emerges when we See Ourselves Clearly

    Mindfulness helps us see ourselves clearly. It also helps us to see others clearly, without judgement. The main shift in perspective that helps us to come out of the experience of rejection is an awareness of our own sense of self acceptance. In truth we are all amazing and totally acceptable. It is only these patterns that rob us of our freedom, connection and truth. When we create and safe and private space and allow ourselves to breathe into the experience of rejection what we find on the other side is sense of self acceptance. To accept ourselves unconditionally is a beautiful experience! Yes we all make mistakes, yes we all act in silly ways sometimes, yes we all have done someone a miss-service (we may even wish to apologise or make amends), yes we have all experienced another person’s miss-service towards us, but when we stop believing our self judgements and by default believing others perceived judgements of us, we see our true Self. For really it was the pattern or rejection that fooled us into thinking we were shameful or that something was wrong with us. When we step out of believing that we are unacceptable, then no matter what someone else does or doesn’t do, we do not experience rejection.

    A beautiful example of this inner place of self acceptance at work was in The Art of Happiness at Work, a conversation between Howard Cutler and the Dalai Lama. The fear of public speaking is ripe with patterns of perceived rejection. Howard asked the Dalai Lama how does he get up in front of thousands of people fearlessly and speak? The Dalai Lama responded that his focus is not on himself but rather the message which he believes in and is being received by the thousands listening to him. This is a great strategy… get outside ourselves. Outside our fears of what other people are thinking, outside our past experiences of perceived rejection or actual judgement, and believe in our gift. Believe in your message! When we create from the heart or from spirit, we loose a sense of our fearful lower self. We go into a zone and act from our true presence. Here, there is no such thing as rejection. There is only truth and beauty!

    So the practice of mindfulness can increase our self awareness of the pattern of rejection and can free us from those painful emotions and experiences that come with that pattern. Through mindfulness, we can discover self acceptance which makes no room for rejection. The truth is that rejection simply does not exist. But we do exist! To truly know ourselves is to accept what is! It is to accept ourselves.


    Breaking Emotional Patterns with Mindfulness

    Have you ever felt trapped in emotionally painful situations that seem to happen over and over again? Do you find yourself repeating the same mistakes, leaving you feel stuck and frustrated? Perhaps you may not see the patterns that lie behind the misery and how they are keeping you bound in suffering.

    Most of the time, most of us do not see the patterns. We often only see the effects of these patterns and then either blame ourselves or others. Until we release our past conditioning, we are haunted by unconscious patterns that manifest in our lives and hold us back from the joy and wellbeing that we all desire. It’s like Lao Tzu stated in the Tao Te Ching, we need to be carved before we can be uncarved.

    The good news is that we can break free of these patterns and create our lives in ways that truly honours who we really are. Over the course of the next few months, I will cover a range of common patterns that we can find ourselves stuck in and mindfulness approaches to help us dis-identify from the patterns, so we can take our true power back and focus on creating health, connection and happiness.

    Today’s article is going to focus on what are patterns in a general sense and how mindfulness practice help us to over come them. Understanding Conditioned Patterns Patterns are conditioned thoughts with powerful emotional attachments and reactions. We learn these patterns from childhood and often do not recognise them. We feel the pain of them and see the effects they are creating, but we do not usually see the real culprit that is wrecking havoc in our lives. Instead, we form beliefs that tell us that we or others are wrong or flawed in some way. These judgements of ourselves or others helps solidify the pattern and takes our focus away from where the real healing lies.

    Conscious and Unconscious

    These patterns have both conscious and unconscious elements. On a conscious level, we think in certain ways and consciously feel the emotions. We also act in repetitive ways to situations and events that trigger these patterns. On an unconscious level, we hold unconscious beliefs about ourselves and the world and emotional memories that are often incredibly painful. An example of a pattern at work is if someone had experienced being repeatedly dismissed or undermined as a child and they formed an unconscious belief that they are not good enough. This belief is not constantly thought about or even accepted as their belief. It is more likely a pervasive sense of not feeling adequate or capable that seems to linger behind the scenes. Deep set emotional memories of frustration, abandonment and disbelief colour their perception of reality. On a conscious level as an adult, all they are aware of is in certain situations this sense of not good enough and these feelings attached to this belief is unleashed, and they may react to these situations by withdrawing and feeling depressed or stuck. The situations themselves are not the culprit at making them feel this way or to react this way however, to the conscious mind that is how it seems.

    How Mindfulness Practice Can Help

    So how could mindfulness practice help this person to escape the cycle of misery created by this pattern? When we practice mindfulness, a key important component is that we turn the mirror around from the person or event that seems to be causing us pain, and focus instead on ourselves. This is vital if we are going to see the pattern clearly rather than begrudge events and people in our lives. The next incredibly important aspect of mindfulness is that it helps us to detach from the thoughts, including the judgements of ourselves and others. This is really important, we can easily fall into the trap of ceasing judgements of others only to judging ourselves harshly when we “turn the mirror around to ourselves”. The truth is, there IS NO judgement at all! We are all doing the best we can with what we know. And for the most part, most of our intentions are good. Patterns just ARE. Until we see them clearly through conscious awareness and discover that the beliefs associated with them are simply not true, they persist. The truth sets us free! And this freedom brings inner peace.

    The patterns are simply false beliefs that have survived generations of unconsciousness, perceived limitation and hurt. So through mindfulness we begin to witness the thoughts and emotional attachments and behaviours that make up the patterns. We can also gain awareness of early experiences that contributed to creating these patterns, as well as the story that underlies them being passed on through the generations. All we need to do is breath deeply and watch how the thoughts and emotions emerge from ourselves. As we consciously watch instead of being caught in them unconsciously, something shifts. We begin to cease to believe the thoughts and the emotions attached to the beliefs begin to dissipate.

    Another interesting aspect of witnessing the pattern rather than playing it out, is that the truth we discover is often the flip side of the pattern. So if we watch and feel into the pattern of “not good enough” what we discover is how brilliant and authentic we are. We can sooth the emotional hurt of the past by listening and validating those feelings. And through this process, we can learn that our feelings are a creative navigator that can guide us to healthy situations and relationships. We learn to trust in ourselves and our emotions. For it was the dismissal of the emotions, needs and intuitive truth of that person, that created the emotional pain of that pattern in the first place. We can re-parent ourselves through this awareness to feel and sense that we are in every way good enough.

    6 Steps to Mindfulness

    So here are some mindfulness steps in sequence:

    • Identify the pattern that is triggered through identifying the intense emotional reactions to a situation

    • Breathing deeply, turn the mirror to yourself and allow yourself to feel the emotions and the beliefs behind the pattern (what are my thoughts, emotions and actions when I’m caught in this pattern?)

    • Rather than react, simply watch the pattern emerge within yourself

    • After wards, you can do some soul searching … have you felt this way before? What was happening? Track the pattern back to as early in your life as you can. Did any other family members have this pattern? What am I thinking when the pattern emerges? What do I do? (Journaling can help in this stage)

    • Ask yourself… is it true? Do all people see it this way or are there other possible interpretations and reactions to this situation?

    • Again, practice witnessing the pattern emerge in other people. Don’t react, just watch without judgement. For they too are good people unconsciously trapped in their patterns.

    All you are doing is getting to know the pattern. Through conscious awareness of the pattern, we cease to be stuck in the same way of

    thinking, feeling and action. We begin to create space within ourselves for conscious choice and for learning new approaches to events in our lives.

    New ways of responding (rather than unconsciously reacting) to life circumstances is liberating. It frees us up to make choices where in the past we only thought we were making choices, but we were really only reacting from the pattern.

    It’s Bigger than Just Me

    There is one last important aspect about unconscious patterns and the process of mindfulness as a way to breaking out of these patterns. At the beginning of the article, I Mentioned Lao Tzu and the process of carving and carving. This is important! As the patterns that we carry and play out are not there for no reason. There is real meaning that we gain from living the pattern and then learning from it and releasing it through mindfulness. We learn about compassion and the human condition as we heal these patterns. We learn about our heritage and the pain people have suffered. Yes, we want to release ourselves from the same painful patterns however, we need to do this with respect for what the generational pain and adversity shows us. Not only do we transform our own lives by breaking out of these patterns but we can also help others in a real way, as we see the humanness of being fooled and trapped within patterns as we free ourselves.

    We can learn to open our hearts to people and forgive at a higher level when we see the courage and inner strength it takes to set ourselves free. So through mindfulness practice of ourselves, we can enhance connection with those we love and care about.

    It does take courage to see the truth about ourselves and rise above old ways of thinking, feeling and reacting, but the strength and power of mindfulness is that we learn we can “be with” the pain and withstand it’s intensity without judgement. Only then can we learn how to respond to situations without needing to stay in that pain.

    The irony is that we don’t escape the pain by pushing it away and resisting it. Instead, what happens is that WE transform through experiencing the pain with no resistance, and discovering clarity in new ways of responding to old situations. The events remain the same, but we change our response to the events on every level… thought, emotion and action!